Juvenile Takeover

You often hear that how we treat the children around us is a crucial aspect of our existence. We must set a good example for them, raise them with good morals and hygienic habits, and make sure they never, ever see ta-tas, wee-wees or woo-woos until they're safely married, or better yet, dead. Children are the future of our world, right? Screw that! Children are NOW, man, like never before!

We've been gradually outsourcing key societal roles to our children (move over, India!): we can now look to kids for dating advice, fine art, and recipes. Perhaps we're all engaged in an aggregate form of sarcasm: we're all too willing to let childish people run our businesses, banks, and government, so why not go for the real thing?

I say we run with it. I know there's enough parents who think their kids are great enough to be the next Mozart, Tiger Woods, or Lil' Jordan. Let's get kids to give us advice and leadership in as many walks of life as possible. Here's a preview of the next few years' worth of contributions by America's New Youth.

Finances
Chas Greenfold, 7 will publish How to Fix the Economy So My Daddy Will Quit Drinking and Get Out of the House, including chapters titled:
"Clipping box tops"
"Picking up pennies off the ground"
"Just don't get bankrupt in the first place"
"If Dad won't give you $5, ask Mom"
"Secret places to hide your money even your sister can't find"


Education
Rachel Menkin, 6 publishes 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teachers.
Habit 1: No homework!
Habit 2: Don't make me and my friends sit on opposite sides of the room!
Habit 3: Don't pair me up with the grody boys for projects!
Habit 4: Please, no more frogs in science class!
Habit 5: Give us two naps a day!
Habit 6: Don't blame the victim (or, He started it!)
Habit 7: Don't tell my mom what I did, please!


Literature
Joey Longspoon, 9, becomes the greatest new artist/writer talent on the comics scene; his 20-volume epic manga, Superguy Ninja Pirates! is continuously reprinted until 2023. At the age of 11, he will publicly distance himself from the movie version, stating "There were twenty-five explosions in my book--the movie had only twenty."


Entertainment
Junie Johnhat, 8, will take over Leonard Maltin's position as America's leading film critic and historian. A few of her reviews:

Pink Panther 2: "Pink Panther wasn't even in the movie! Waaaah!"
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: "So cute! I give it all the stars!"
Friday the 13th: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: "Ugh. Only boys could like this one. No stars, 'cuz boys are dumb."