What Folks Are Made Of

What are little babies made of, made of?
What are little babies made of?
Gurgles and yells and vomit and smells;
That's what little babies are made of.

What are little boys made of, made of?
What are little boys made of?
Farts and pee and ADHD;
That's what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of, made of?
What are little girls made of?
Teen idol deluge, lipstick and rouge;
That's what little girls are made of.

What are our teachers made of, made of?
What are our teachers made of?
Rooms full of pests and standardized tests;
That's what our teachers are made of.

What are our preachers made of, made of?
What are our preachers made of?
Power abuse, sex scandals and booze;
That's what our preachers are made of.

What are young men made of, made of?
What are young men made of?
Computer screens and porn magazines;
That's what young men are made of.

What are young women made of, made of?
What are young women made of?
Boob-jobs en masse, and ceilings of glass;
That's what young women are made of.

What are our soldiers made of, made of?
What are our soldiers made of?
Endless wars, lost limbs and deep scars;
That's what our soldiers are made of.

What are our doctors made of, made of?
What are our doctors made of?
High-cost meds and Walter Reed's moldy beds;
That's what our doctors are made of.

What are our fathers made of, made of?
What are our fathers made of?
Beers in armchairs and secret affairs;
That's what our fathers are made of.

What are our mothers made of, made of?
What are our mothers made of?
Post-partum wrecks and child support checks;
That's what our mothers are made of.

What are politicians made of, made of?
What are politicians made of?
Lies and hot air and cabinet chairs;
That's what politicians are made of.

What are celebrities made of, made of?
What are celebrities made of?
Nips and tucks and high-profile fucks;
That's what celebrities are made of.

What are old men made of, made of?
What are old men made of?
Toupees and wills and little blue pills;
That's what old men are made of.

What are old women made of, made of?
What are old women made of?
Botox and red hats and millions of cats;
That's what old women are made of?

What are dead people made of, made of?
What are dead people made of?
Dirt and germs and hungry worms;
That's what dead people are made of.

What are all folks made of, made of?
What are all folks made of?
Living for thrills and poor social skills;
That's what all folks are made of.

Evil Woman

The traditional depiction of God (a.k.a. G-d) as male has for centuries been a thorn in the side of many thinkers. Applying gender to a deity is always a tricky thing when it comes to monotheistic religions. With your Greek or Norse gods, say, you've got a cast of characters whose stories demand both males and females. Our tendency to view God as a type of superhuman demands that God have some sort of gender. Recently, feminists (among others) have begun highlighting the feminist aspects of God as gentle, caring protector in addition to the masculine traits of strong, judgmental provider. Many have advocated referring to God as "She" as well as "He", stressing that God is above gender, but does have gender roles. Mormons, on the other hand, created their own loophole out of this early on with the whole "God has a physical body" thing, so they get to keep their sexist views. Lucky bastards.

However, in the end, a gender-inclusive or gender-neutral conception of God becomes sexist itself. We gain a God that is made up of the sum of desirable masculine and feminine traits, but we are left with Satan as only a male. Satan was, by all accounts, originally an angel. Calling God a male gets people up in arms, but no one seems to care when angels are only given either men's names (Michael, Raphael, Gabriel) or robot names (Metatron). It would make sense to consider all angels to be either gender-neutral or gender-inclusive. Jesus mentioned that angels don't marry, so why give them genitals? (Insert "flaming sword" joke here.) Besides, all the orgies are saved for depictions of hell. (The Mormons, with their whole "celestial marriage" thing, get out of this one too. Jerks!)

So, to everyone out there who wants feminine depictions of God, I say you're going to have to be okay with feminine depictions of the devil, too. Lucifer exhibits the masculine traits of rebellion, lust for power, and physical attempts on humans' lives; Lucy is the deceitful slanderer ("diabolos" is Greek for "slanderer", by the way) who will do her best to manipulate humans emotionally.

And this Lucy doesn't need an Ethel to carry out her demonic schemes.