Married...with Zombies

A mere five months after Dimp Hinkley discovers the key to reanimation of human bodies, the entire cast of Married with Children is brought back for a twelfth season, the first episode of which aired today, 2098. Most American audiences seemed to not yet be ready for a zombie-filled sitcom. German audiences (especially viewers who themselves had recently been reanimated), however, seemed to not be able to get enough of the antics of the Bundys. The show is renewed another 20 seasons.

Anni-elvis-ry

This day in 2405 marks the third anniversary of Elvis's return from space.

You Ain't Nothin' but a...

On March 22, 2402, Elvis Presley is finally returned to Earth by the Zornapses from Planet Q. Cheers of joy soon turned to cries of agony, however. An ambassador from the Andromeda Galaxy (oddly enough, they call it that, too) was visiting a friend of his in Quebec, who decided to take him to one of the shows of Elvis's comeback tour. As it turns out, the phrase "hound dog" sounds much like the second-harshest insult in the Andromedan tongue (the most insulting phrase being "Kilroy was here"). What was initially a misunderstanding escalated into decade-long battles on both the ground and in space, a well-choreographed sword fight on the inner rings of Saturn, a blitz merchandising campaign and, perhaps worst of all, a new generation of Elvis impersonators.

Fun with Amazon.com

Here are some great things you can buy on Amazon .com:

Life Force
Coffin
Robot mower
Blood
Uranium
Crossbow
Live Animals
vomit inducer
Pole vault pit

What can you find?

Let her Litter Letters Later

On this day, in 2217, Melvin "Mel" Stanwick of Sector D, Gamma Jersey, makes the first step toward effectively ridding city streets of litter. Ms. Stanwick was able to convince the state government to replace all existing public trash cans with a new design. The design was based on the coin-funnel fundraising set-ups she had seen in the meta-malls of her youth. You know, the ones where you drop a coin in and it rolls in a spiral pattern for a minute before finally falling through to the big jar. Ms. Stanwick made the act of throwing away trash fun again (there was a brief fad in 2156).

Got bilked?

On March 8th, 2023, the American Dairy Association realizes that it could sell more skim milk by marketing it as "Diet" milk. By 2078, osteoporosis is all but eradicated.

Find the Perp and you win!

It's probably drug related.