We don't have enough useless terms of measurement

Many of you out there have probably had your feminist sensibilities offended by the use of the word "balls" to indicate bravery. Such as, "I couldn't get up the balls to do it" or "Man, that was ballsy of you" or "At least she has the balls to stand up for her rights", etc.

Don't get your eggs scrambled, ladies. There's some science behind this. We are proud to present, for the first time ever, a (by no means exhaustive!) list of the amount of balls necessary for success in a variety of situations facing the typical male.

2 Balls -- stuff you can manage on your own

Going to the dentist
Voting
Wearing the loud jacket because you want to
Trying new skateboarding moves
Writing a congressman
Driving through a hard rain
Just saying "No"


4 Balls -- all it takes is one friend to give you the confidence you need

Asking for a raise
Asking for a better grade on a paper
Making the edgy joke at a party
Rafting for the first time
Playing an instrument in public
Riding a scary-looking roller coaster


6 Balls -- couple of your buds egging you on

Jumping off the rock wall that's really too high to jump from
Asking the pretty girl out
Skateboarding indoors
Making the edgy joke in mixed company
Singing in public
Drinking more than you should
Fisticuffs


8 Balls -- you risk social castration if you don't

Jumping off a rock wall into a body of water
Asking the hot girl out
Getting drunk and asking any girl out
Driving through the corn field
Pointing fireworks at each other
Chasing wildlife on foot
Team fisticuffs


The one major confounding factor is the presence of any female. The mere presence of a female will cause the typical male to perform activities requiring anywhere from 2-4 more balls than are actually present. This is a misguided attempt to prove to the female that he personally owns more than two balls, and has at least one more than any other males present.