There are no film reviews in the future

On this day in 2611, the American Linguistics Institute, Nacogdoches Chapter, retires the phrase "to thumb one's nose" from the human lexicon, as no one had performed this action in over 400 years. This is due mostly to the fact that, in the year 2211, the human race collectively lost its thumbs when an undergraduate biology student posed the following question:

"Wait, shouldn't we be a little bit more evolved than koalas, pandas, and monkeys?"

This may explain, in part, the origin of the Thinkers, a group of scientists and philosophers with abnormally large brains and the ability to telekinetically play billiards, who came on the scene in 2213. Many suspect that they asked "Why do I in particular not have a more highly evolved brain?"

How high can you go?

While it can by no means be considered a full success, the presence of this website in your time has started effecting some changes.

For instance, our history books mark this day as the creation of "baby limbo"--a separate limbo, where unbaptized babies could get the sufficient (not quite adequate, I mean, come on, it's limbo) care they needed. Those ancient Greek philosophers just didn't know how to change diapers. We are glad to see that the presence of this website has resulted in the admission of these babies into Heaven.

For us weary soldiers of the future roboton wars, however, it doesn't mean much. The robotons are still here, and we're still losing the war. Yesterday, though, I overhead Hank Storch saying "Hey, look, their post-consumer-plastimetalliconized breastplates are green now! They were orange befoaarrrrggghhh--"

Poor Hank; he'll be missed.

Naughty Professor

On this day, in 2033, the evil professor Sidney Barkash of Squirm, Oregon, dies. Barkash had, unbeknownst to the world, kept the entire nation of France under the control of his Mind-o-Ray device for nearly a century. After being freed from the device, French officials were quick to start setting the record straight on their regrettable past deeds.

In a press release, French president Jacques Portmonteau proclaimed, "Non! We have nevair liked zeess Zherry Lew-iss!"

The batteries in the clock went dead

Dig those crazy comics, indeed. Issue #4 of Jimmy Jone happens now! I did research and drew backgrounds for this one. Enjoy!

Soylent black

Some of you might be surprised to know that e-mail is still around way into the future. Currently, I have my filter configured to allow messages from your time, and today I got a message with the following subject line:

"Gal eats black man"

Now, getting porn messages in my inbox is one thing, but cannibalism? I didn't realize how savage you primitive people could be. You guys should be ashamed of yourself! At least when we eat other people, the government puts them in those nice green crackers so we don't know about it.

And robot calzones, too

This day in 2101 marks the first successful time travel to, and back from, the future. This day also marks the advent of such technological innovations as

• Post-it People
• Freeze-ray guns
• Freeze-ray adult novelty items
• Self-setting clocks
• Pocket singularities
• Regenerating cars
• DRM-free toilet paper

Iran, Youran, Weallran for Uran...................ium

It has started to happen: our presence here in this time has begun to have noticeable effects. In our future, the 15 hostages that were held in Iran were not released as an Easter gift to the British people. Instead they were found guilty and sentenced to 3 consecutive life sentences each (the one chick got 4 because she was the first woman to commit a crime in Iran that had nothing to do with being assaulted by an unsuspecting rapist). After they were put in prison, their teachings of teatime and cricket quickly swept up the Iranian prison population. Spreading to the guards, and subsequently all law enforcement officials, it didn't take long for the 15 men and women to have total control of the Persian state. Oddly enough, the Brits continued to hold to a strong stance on uranium enrichment. The Iranian people revolted when it was made public that their plan was to destroy Pakistan and India in hopes of becoming the worlds only cricket powerhouse. Jamaica defeated England 220-100 in the 2007 World Cricket Championships (WCC).

Da Biks

So, um, this last deception sort of backfired on me. I was telling Raju how mind-blowingly awesome getting a Zwinky is, and now he won't quit yammering about it. Even after I let him create his own:

He said "I'm a Jewish football man on Halloween." Why did I ever tell him he was Jewish?

You know...berries...that look like frungs?

You know, it's really weird for me to say "Happy Easter". In the future, "Easters" are slang for the frungberries that grow along Post-Highway 6, and make you hallucinate about Frammzaps. Scary stuff, man. You'd never say "happy" and "easter" in the same sentence when I'm from, that's for sure.

Rum Tum Theta is a curious planet

On this day in 2525, a Broadway show is disrupted when an audience member from the Felinthinus Galaxy starts screaming "Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Our history tubes tell a decidedly different story!" Given that no one in the audience understood a word of Felinthinese, many assumed that this was an avant-garde bit used to liven up the show. Reviews are overwhelmingly positive, and CATS remains on Broadway for another 1,000 years.

The 'What if?' game

As a child I was often accused of playing the 'what if?' game. I would try to debate philosophical or moral points by creating a hypothetical situation that would put a belief to the test. While it never worked on my parents, it can be a lot of fun. What I propose is a lively debate on how the world would be different if only one thing changed. Would stock markets crash if we could see our farts? Would ninjas rule the world if awesomeness determined how tall you were? And then the most important question: Why?

Now our legion of fan can write his/her opinion about the questions that really matter: What if...?
To get things started, here is the first what if question: What if... cows could talk?

Give Raju a Break

This is the one day of the year that we don't deceive Raju. Just to make it worse on him when he figures it all out.