The Rules of Blog Posting

We'd like to give a great big angry fist to some of the trends we've seen in other blogs out there.

The road to blog popularity seems to follow a generally-defined path:

Stage 1 (Look, ma! A blog!): Posts either declare intent of blog or feel out territory

Stage 2 (Yup, still a blog): Rate of posts drops, but does not stop. (Many blogs peter out at this stage.)

Stage 3 (Hey, check this out): Anywhere from one to a handful of well-done posts get spread through word of mouth, readership begins to grow in trickles. Blog posts begin to show signs of acknowledging audience presence.

Stage 4 (No, really, check this out): Sufficient posting content is reached that new readers can get a fair idea of whether the blog is to their taste. New readers may find blog through Stage 3 word of mouth or through mention of blog on other blog(s) of similar interest or content.

Stage 5 (They like me, they really like me): Strong audience presence creates higher demand of posts, which begin to come at a higher rate, as the blogger is being rewarded for posting by the comments left by readers.

Stage 6 (Go forth, my henchmen, and conquer): Post rate may drop slightly, but blog has been established to the point that commenters have formed their own community.


But that's not what we're angry about. At any point in this model, the blogger can run out of steam or ideas, experience personal crises or heavy work loads, or go on vacation. These are perfectly natural occurences. The presence of an audience, however, creates a feeling of obligation in the blogger. The blogger can become scared of the audience reaction to a drop in posting (will they leave me?), or can feel that she's letting her readers down (they expect me to, I have to). This can lead a blogger to do some pretty nasty things to blog readers.

To put a check on these trends, we offer some rules for blogging:

1. Content!
2. Do not apologize for lack of posting.
3. Do not promise your readers that interesting posts are on the way.
4. Do not promise to post more regularly; if so, only to yourself.

These four are the main rules of blogging. Successfully blogging (especially in lull periods) often depends on lowering expectations and overperforming rather than raise them and underperform. And if that doesn't work, try not giving a crap about your readers' expectations and remember that the blog was for yourself (and its original audience) in the first place.

Additional rules:

5. Blogs are not a proper method for marriage proposals.
6. Personal attacks should be reserved for political blogs.
7. If post includes picture, clicking should link to larger version of picture.
8. Try not to mention Woody Allen more than once a month.
9. Blog at least once while drunk or stoned.
10. Do not inform your readers that you are "still alive". Only let them know when you die.
11. Contributions to memes should only be posted at least one year after everyone else has forgotten about them. (Jeff Goldblum is still watching you poop.)
12. If you want to blog about the Golden Girls, start a second blog. They deserve it.
13. Do not fake the funk on a nasty dunk.
14. Only do non-sequitur posts if it really works.
15. Don't be cute.
16. Those pictures of your pet dog or cat? No.
17. CAPS ARE STILL A SHORTCUT TO AWESOME, BUT ONLY IN MODERATION.
18. Don't write up rules for other blogs, especially when nobody reads yours.