Ninjas vs. Vampires

We here at DoR like to watch old sci-fi films and just laugh at how much stuff they got wrong. In most cases, it's because the writers were just so absurdly off in guessing how things would be in the future. Flying cars? Puh-leez. A paperless office? Yeah, right.

In other cases, we're laughing because roughly 20% of all sci-fi movies is crap we made up. We get really drunk, and it becomes one of the most hilarious things in the world to go back to 1986 and start telling people that you'll someday be able to use trash to fuel cars, or that people wear double neckties.

But I was watching the Matrix the other day, and there was something correct that managed to slip through. It was probably Rufus's fault--I don't think he gets that we're supposed to be spreading B.S. Remember that thing where they'd sit in a chair and jiggle around alot while new skills--like riding motorcycles or karate or making the perfect flan--were uploaded into their brains? We've got something pretty similar, minus the whole hole in your neck because robots took over the world (which we're trying to stop, remember?). It turns out that all of Steve Jobs's work with Apple was just a huge masterplan. Once every person on Earth (and Planet Rico-7) owned an iPod, they all automatically created a direct link to the wearer's brain. The Bluetooth technology in them ultimately created a worldwide (or wo-wi-fi, as we call it) collective consciousness. The recently re-animated clone of Carl Jung was, to say the least, thrilled. Everybody else griped about it for a few days, but then got over it.

Did this achieve world peace, you ask? Not really. For months afterwards, fights of all sizes broke out, all preceded by the war cry "You think I'm a what?" It took most people years to learn to guard their private thoughts from others. It did help get dates for guys who were too shy to ask, though. Did it speed up the communication of different ideas and help us finally achieve a shared reality we could all believe in? Not even. Most people just set their iPod playlists to hear only scientific knowledge, or Christian beliefs, or whatever the case might be.

The main thing, though, is that everyone on Earth after that point in time has ninja skills. I'm sure you can all imagine what Earth would be like (and please feel free to in the comments!), but the thing that no one expected is that mosquitos died out. Humans have such cat-like reflexes now that no mosquito can even think about blood without getting slapped. And since only pregnant mosquitos suck blood...it's pretty simple, right? 2099 saw the first ever mosquito-free summer, which was enjoyed by everyone except for the citronella candle and bug repellent industries, as well as interstate gas station owners who make half of their annual profit off of those "Mississippi's State Bird: The Mosquito" post cards.